Hand me the Goo-Gone

Recently I got behind this guy:

and expressed on Facebook how disturbed I get by the willingness of a person committed enough to Jesus to put a Jesus fish on one side of his bumper to spout unprovoked venom on the other side of it. If you can't read it, it says, "I may be fat but you're ugly and I can diet."  When I got behind him on the other side of town AGAIN I figured that was because there was something I needed to address.  Before you worry, I didn't wave my arms and ask him to stop so we could talk (although that wouldn't be the worst idea maybe).

Ever since I was old enough to notice, inconsistencies between word and deed have driven me bonkers.  I remember wondering why my teachers was SCREAMING at us to BE QUIET.  Hmm.... I think that phrase, "Do as I say, not as I do" was a response to a kid very similar to myself.  Surely I am not the only person who spends the day drowning in these sorts of inconsistencies though.  Does the person who smacks her kid to get him to stop smacking his sister appeal to you? Or maybe you roll your eyes at the young drama queen who always professes how she despises drama.  One of my favorites is the bully's parent who plants himself in the school office to chastise the school for allowing his darling's feelings to be injured by a kid who finally pushes back. There's the gossip disguised as a prayer request and the absent relative who always claims at Christmas that there's nothing more important than family and I'm not even talking about MY inconsistencies.  Those involve food and gossip and all manner of bad behavior, but I'll let you use your imagination.

I'm sure that bumper shouldn't have gotten under my skin.  BUT, even in a small town, what are the chances that I will get behind the same vehicle, within days, on opposite sides of town, when we are from two different counties?  Made me think that there was more to consider.  Maybe inconsistency is not what I'm supposed to write about on this.

Just the other day I wrote about things I hope Olivia learns and I mentioned that I'd love for her to regularly CONTRIBUTE to the world, either through an actual creation of some work product (like writing, art, paperclip inventions) or even through an kind act towards someone.  When I see a sarcastic bumper sticker or smart ass t-shirt I wonder why this person chooses to contribute by spewing venom into the world rather than something helpful or even memorable.  It's not like I even did anything to deserve being called ugly (not to him anyway) and his pronouncement before we've even met guarantees that we probably won't end up being BFF's (YOUR LOSS BIG GUY!).

Is this kind of snarky contribution attractive because it's easier than creating something positive? Maybe.  I do think it's much easier to point out what's wrong than to imagine how to make something right.   It appears the object is to out-smart-ass each other day after day after day.  Check my Facebook feed and you'll see I'm so guilty I should do jail time and I confess that lately I'm weary of it.  When I try it, I get the same blowback that the driver probably gets, not the warmth and camaraderie I hope to generate.  

I think our driver's venom is a lot like my own - it's a taking more than a giving. It's about taking the cheap, quick route to attention, a mistaken attempt at humor that slides into rudeness and sends people running in the opposite direction instead.  Thank goodness I don't do it in regard to politics. This stuff is not a contribution at all - it's an awful, awful misdirection. For instance, the driver is hoping, when he steps out, that you will think what a funny guy he is instead of what an unhealthy and overweight person he is (he's already warned you of his weight problem in his sticker).  I don't think he's a funny guy at all.  I only think what a miserable experience his life must be if he greets everyone with this offense and outside of using some of that miracle substance called Goo-gone, I'm not sure I even have a solution.  Assuming he's not joking about it, he's got JESUS RIGHT THERE on that bumper if he needs help.

You know that if I find myself behind him a third time I'm going to take it as a real sign that I need to get to know this man. I fully intend to wave my arms and invite him to a sit-down at Starbucks so that I can ask him all about it.  He's going to find me so pleasant that I'm going to get him to put in writing that he doesn't think I'm ugly. Keep you posted.

Sorry not sorry

I suspect someone will not appreciate Liam's sincerity as much as I do.

She's Got the Music in Her

If you are going to do something, do it with your whole being.

He's mine

You gotta love a man who, despite major intestinal disturbances, refuses to cancel date night. Instead, he swallows a handful of Immodium A-D, heads for the door and says, "Let's roll." God help him for whatever consequences come of that.

Things I Probably Missed

Usually about twice a year I see an article entitled something like "Top 20 Things You Must Teach your Children if You Value Their Futures At All" which usually, after I read it, could be retitled "Oh Crap, I Forgot to Teach My Kid These 20 Things." I'm as stunned now (she's 12) about how little I know about child rearing as I was when she was 2 weeks old.  Maybe you don't panic, but articles like that, and the frequency with which I see them makes me think we moms (I say "moms" but I think I have 2 dads who read this so we'll expand that to say "parents") really, really want just some straight up advice on how not to screw everything up for the kids.

Considering that made me think I should organize my thoughts about the lessons I want Olivia to have absorbed by the time she flips me the bird and grabs hold of her motorcycling boyfriend's tattooed back as she heads out into the world. So here goes:

20 Things That May or May Not Help You Live Well 

• Love who you love. Never be embarrassed by sincere affection even if it puts you at odds with others. I was never more proud of you than the first time you said, "I don't care what they think."

• Always trust your gut.  If that means you need to escape through a bathroom window, then shimmy on through it.

• Moisturize.

• You have witnessed miles and miles of real love in our household.  Measure your relationships against the kindness you have seen and make sure your mate likes to make you laugh as much as Daddy does.

• Allow yourself to be nervous about the things you are afraid to try and then buck up and do them anyway. Living a life of fear is a horrible prison sentence.

• Don't show your boobies in pictures.

• Use your legs. Get away from people who treat you cruelly. Never, ever involve yourself with someone who calls you names (they cannot be healed). This is the sole reason I taught you to say on your playhouse porch, "GET OFF MY PROPERTY."

• Be grateful.  If it's only for the fact that you are breathing, be grateful.  

• Forgive yourself so that you don't live with regret. Forgive other people so you don't live with resentment.

• Never put yourself in a position of total dependence.  You are capable of taking care of yourself and while earning money doesn't guarantee happiness, it may provide you with options.

• No booby pictures.

• Be assured that if you rest, eat for nourishment, breathe in the sunshine, and exercise, your body is exactly the way it should be. 

• Be the kind of friend who listens. If you will invest in that, you will never be lonesome.  

• Read. Read A LOT.

• Whether you find nourishment in the Bible or in Buddha, open your heart and mind to pursuing a spiritual understanding of the world. Please just avoid any creepy alien religions or churches that require all of your money.

• All work can be fulfilling if you can do it with a glad heart.

• And don't take pictures of your boobies.

• Count on being wrong a lot. The world is too big for you to know all of it and anyway no one likes a know-it-all.

• Whether it's a career, an act of kindness or a painting, make it your plan to contribute something often to the world.

• And for God's sake, don't take booby pictures.

I think that's a start.  I left out the ones about internet scams, graduate school and calling me every Sunday.  There's a lot I could say about honesty and authentic living, but I think a lot of that comes with accomplishing some of the others.  To be frank, just writing this overwhelmed me.  I'm already panicked that I forgot 20 more things I should have included.  If you get a chance, let me know ones I've missed? I'd really like that.

L

All applicants welcome

Now I am all for travel, but I'm not sure about this MarsOne idea.  Apparently, anyone can apply and since it's not til 2023 we have time to train as astronauts which NASA has made us believe was a lot harder than these Dutch folks seem to think. When I checked the qualifications it did mention that you needed a "CAN DO!" sort of attitude so unfortunately I am already disqualified.   If I could get that taken care of, the only other concern is that they are only offering one-way tickets.

Here's the link:  http://mars-one.com/en/

Maybe we should try this

There's no money in it, but if you REALLY wanna go all honeybadger this year, you could try this: