Weekend Recap

I've always said that I don't have a lot of SKILLS or specialties, but
that I possess an extraordinary ability to pick good friends.  That's
not to say I've never made a bad call on the investment of friendship
(book deal!). I have, but by and large I have a great, small set of
people I trust to show myself to in a very real and honest way.  This,
I think, is a must do on your bucket list. Shoot for 5 (so that you
can have a lunch partner most days), but settle for 2 and that's a
good life really. Start early, also, because it's a long project.
When I am accepting new applications for friendship, I have a lot of
things to consider. Potential new friends are put through a battery of
tests which range anywhere from staged crisis calls to a probability
calculator to determine if she might be a "drive me to cancer
treatments when I'm old" candidate. You think I'm kidding.

Anyway, shout out to Kenny for watching Olivia because my (very
qualified) friends Allison and Susan were able to join me at the beach
for a few days.  We cover a wide range of topics in not very much
time, but because it's important, we stay up later and talk, talk,
talk until our throats hurt.  These two women are beyond wise and
hilarious too so it's a thrilling weekend.  This year's Summit Talks
covered everything from farmers markets to the horrifying particulars
of aging that we are now hearing about (what the hell is a bladder
tack???).

A lot of good conversations start with the phrase,  "I read this
article..." you know. The particular article Susan mentioned was on
Fracking, which is actually short for Hydraulic Fracturing (for the
extraction of natural gas from the earth) and you know more than I do
about that, but in a nutshell the article detailed how very ill folks
who'd been working nearby a fracking site had become and continue to
become.  Here's the exact transcript:

S:  Who's idea was this fracking anyway?

L:  Some man. They like to dig holes and release natural gases and there you go.

A:  Wonder what would happen if women ruled the world.

L:  Well, we'd just say crap like, "OH MY GOD, Did you see how she was
fracking?"

S:  Yeah, "Her frackers aren't even real."

A: "Fracking slut."

If you had been there you'd have something to add, I bet.  And so we
had a discussion of the reality that we ladies aren't so kind to one
another. Bullying isn't exclusive to elementary schools, friends, and
where do you think they've learned this manipulation and envy?  But
the worst part of it is that what we'd all say we needed most from the
world: to be truly known and valued by someone, is exactly what we're
actively keeping ourselves from when we spend our time with friends
who treat us badly. This is why, when she was 3, I taught Olivia to
say, "GET OFF MY PROPERTY" on her playhouse porch with arms akimbo.
It's an essential life skill to be able to send the mean ones away.

Twice recently I've received emails with the phrase, "I knew you
wouldn't judge me" in them and at least 4 times this month  I've
heard, "I wouldn't want anyone to know this, but..." in regard to the
activities, difficulties, complete failures of their children and
marriages.  Now I understand the need for discretion and think it
ought to be used way more than it is (I mean, the DETAILS of your sex
life on FB exhaust and embarrass me), but that anyone would have to
fear her friends' judgement and gossip at a time when she desperately
needs support makes me terribly sad. I want to say, THESE PEOPLE ARE
MOST CERTAINLY NOT YOUR FRIENDS, if you can't share with them your
heartbreak and your excitement for fear of criticism and envy.  Or
maybe you do what I used to do and you've not tried to show them
something of yourself and you'd find that they'd be delighted or
RELIEVED to lay down their perfect picture and are just waiting on
you.  We looked at it through different lenses and landed on gratitude
that we have each other.

Our conversation moved on to the best way to make guacamole and the
joys of discussing sex with your children.  Just 4 days and it was
over, but what a great thing to feel the exhale that comes with
relaxing into an environment that suits you with friends who only want
the good stuff for you. So that's my wish for you today: that you'd
have someone you can show all of yourself to who's earned it and that
everyone else would keep their fracking to themselves.