What's your sign?

So the next few posts are going to be about my new favorite topic: Living in Reality.  I'm not sure why (I have my suspicions about why) we feel such pressure to present ourselves and our families as much closer to perfect than we are, but I know that we do feel that way and that we respond to it by covering our own imperfections and hiding ourselves from the people we suppose would care.  I also know that there's a great freedom and relief in not hiding from reality and not investing our time in hiding our realities from one another.  I can guarantee you that reality will keep knocking at you until you look at it.

I'll be the first to tell you that our family has it's problems.  We have not all behaved perfectly all of the time, but my greatest joys, the greatest depths of emotion that I've shared with my family have all come at times when I allowed each member to be exactly who they are, without imagining intentions or influences.  Reality is lovely - sometimes horrible, but also lovely.

So I'll go first with showing you a little reality about our family.  I love those little signs that are popular lately that look like this:

I had this picturesque weekend fantasy that we could make some adorable ones of our own so I bought all of the craft supplies and then Olivia and I got this idea that it might be more fun to make ones that actually are things people in our house would say to one another. I mean, I know Kenny loves me more than anyone on the earth, but he doesn't always communicate in poetic, picture-framed words and Olivia probably MEANS she loves me better than everything in the sky, but forgets to cross-stitch it for me.  Now don't go thinking the following phrases are the ONLY things you would hear in our home. I'd love to hear what signs you would make.  We say nice things A LOT, but here are the ones we made this weekend:

 

 

Happy Birthday Megan!!

I'm reposting this video for Megan's birthday. It's documentation of one of the best laughs we've ever had together. Happy Birthday sweet girl!

Where are my sunglasses?

So lately I've been frustrated about how short my attention span is (I've got a short little span of attention) and I was laughing with Candy about how neither of us can accomplish anything because by the time we enter a room we can't remember what it was we were supposed to be doing in it.  That's a funny thing to some people who do it occasionally, but imagine doing that A LOT and you are living my dream life right now.  I think it's my internet addiction and ridiculous amounts of Diet Coke that the Peli servers bring to me.  I accept these Diet Cokes because when I come in and someone says, "Diet Coke with Lime, Mrs. Barfield?" it feels like everyone saying, "NORM!" on Cheers.  Anyway, it's not their fault that the artificial sweetener has now depleted a gabillion brain cells and left me putzing around wondering where my sunglasses are all of the time (they are on my head).

I was suspicious that the problem was worsening, but if you can't remember anything you sure as hell can't formulate a plan to solve your dilemmas.  I did, however, inadvertently discover how quickly I forget something when this happened this summer:

I put some butter in the microwave to melt for 15 seconds.  When the timer beeped (in exactly 15 seconds) I actually wondered OUT LOUD, "What's that beeping for?"

Yep. It's that bad.  Taking a break from the Diet Cokes - starting tomorrow.

Here here!

I'm kind of used to being the person who's not in the right place at the right time, and I always jokingly say of myself, "Oh, you know, fools rush in where angels fear to tread."  I'll acknowledge that I don't listen to my gut as much as I should when it comes to my surroundings, and that's why I could totally see this scenario working out for me (and for Kenny who, incidentally, is always bringing home a story about some new friend).  Watch this and tell me what you'd do:

I'm with the Band

If you're not familiar with O/A, let me introduce you to some dear friends of mine. They've recently begun to release new work after a very long time and I'm honored to introduce you to their newest piece, Apparitions, which they've put here: http://oabands.com/fr_summersingles.cfm.  Take a listen in a bit.  They've been kind enough to donate their proceeds from recent purchases to the William S. Davies (my dad) Homeless Shelter here in Rome.  

I have to tell you, the resurfacing of O/A has thrilled me in part because so much about these guys has stayed the same. They still match what they've always been in my memory - creators, driven by curiosity, incredibly and hilariously observant, sincerely earnest, and just plain GOOD, boys. They're the same, but all grown up, and even better.  And this tune, Apparitions, reflects the perspective young boys can't have.    

See, I've never claimed to be an expert at relationships, but I'm constantly studying over them.  Knowing other people and connecting with them seems like such a fluid thing, and the defining agendas of folks sneak away as soon as I think I've got a handle on it.  That's confusion you're seeing on my face a lot.  In the middle of trying to sort out things, I might think I am pulling at the thread that really untangles a person, but morning comes along with a new word or two and then what I thought was clarity settles into something else.  Things seem real and sensible as I solve the puzzle of you and drift off to sleep, but then there's some startling new discovery that sends me in another direction.  Always.  People are moving targets and the real articulation of what motivates us always seems slippery and evasive. That's why most of my puzzles end with me saying, "Whatever."  And all of this tangly, can't quite put my finger on it stuff is what I think of when I hear Apparitions. 

Probably what I'm most in love with about this hazy song is that it appeals to my desire for music and lyrics to synch. Have you heard it yet? Leave it on some kind of loop because the lyrics will remind you of the person stuck in that relationship loop that, for better or worse, replays itself over and over without resolution. The words, "You've done all of this before - I don't envy you" made me think of that sinking moment of clarity when you see that sometimes one of us can only watch and wait for connection while the other is stuck in a self imposed, isolated and frustrating, loop. So easy to see the futility from outside. And like I said, I'm no expert, but waiting for a person to figure out that they stand in the way of their own real desire to connect can leave you wondering if you'd be better off to leave ("If I had the peace of mind, I could leave you"), but more likely leaves you weary enough to "just sit here and think until I see you." Also scratching around my head is that feeling that I'm onto figuring someone out, pulling at some thread of understanding that's just out of the corner of my vision, not quite concrete.  

And speaking of never resolving, it's funny that I don't get the satisfaction either of a solid, lasting, definitive chord resolution at the end of the piece either - they leave me with just an ethereal sort of exit.  This sleepy, dream song even had the decency to mention "floating there above the floor" while I was floating around with it.  Well played boys - I'm hooked and I'm leaving Apparitions on my playlist. 

Amazing how many memories flicker when I think of O/A and while I typically hope that no one even remembers me at that age, I love the glimpses of these open-hearted kids playing REM's "Driver 8" on the sidewalk near Schroeder's, of their discovery and adoration of the great Howard Finster, of Camper Van Beethoven, and of their scrappy style.  It's a pleasure to be able to tell you that I can't wait for you to hear the same O/A, but all grown up and even better.

http://oabands.com/fr_summersingles.cfm

I love my dog

I really think my dog Coco feels humiliated when she gets shaved.  She hides under the table a lot and hangs her head.  Here's an example from last winter:

Can't you see the misery coming off of her?  Darling Coco is a barker. She barks at anything that appears to have life.  I saw this ad today from a Japanese company and actually considered purchasing this muzzle just for the comedic value because it is truly a genius product. God, just imagine what the other dogs would think of her.

All of this made me wonder if you've heard of this new trend called pet shaming. It's about what it sounds like, only funnier. Here's an example:

This link has 20 more for you to giggle over at your convenience...Publicly Shamed Pets - Twitter Pics

Add this to the list...

of crap we are not doing.

How I feel a lot of the time

Who comes up with this stuff?

You've probably already had a discussion about all the public proposals we keep seeing on YouTube. I'm so easily embarrassed that things like having a dancing flash mob show up at what might be a very intimate moment seems a bit much to me, but you know I'm always willing to let people celebrate however they like even if it includes the risks that come along with fireworks and choking on a ring hidden in breadsticks.  I could never, however, endorse the JumboTron proposal which some guys seems to think will guarantee them a YES, but in reality leaves the door WIDE open to a very humiliating, and now widely broadcast, moment. God, that's horrible.  This guy - this poor, misguided fool in love - still managed to get to yes, but I think I hate him a little and I will be watching the news for an update in which he is found poisoned by his new bride.

Wow

At least she's smiling in the last one.