I am Pavlov's Dog

I am Pavlov's dog.  Except without the bell and the salivating and really without much reward either.  Well, there's kind of a bell, if by bell you mean the soft Ping! from my iPhone.  I can tell you exactly how I became a slave to this gadget and any other internet available device really.  It started with the manly and very enthusiastic voice spouting intermittently, "YOU'VE GOT MAIL!" and because everybody loves mail a little shot of dopamine raced to my brain.  It probably took less than a week for me to be hooked.  These periodic announcements always meant some REAL and EXCITING piece of information from someone who LOVED me (I mean, we didn't give our email addresses out to just ANYBODY in 1993) was only a dial-up modem eternity away.  Boy have I gone downhill and FAST from there.  Now I've slid from the manly pronouncement to the sleeker PING! of the iPhone, but the problem is that I practice no prioritization of information coming at me.  I mean, I might be receiving a simple "kk" text from Olivia, or maybe a Facebook announcement that someone has posted yet another photo of any number of young ladies making the duckface (please, for the love of GOD stop making the damn duckface, girls), or maybe it's a bill reminder on email, or 100 reminders about LivingSocial opportunities, or maybe my mom really needs me, but I don't know that without checking, do I? So I better check.  And often.

Remember how we used to watch the scary robot movies where the technology took over the world? How is this so different? I've just read this article http://www.thedailybeast.com/newsweek/2012/07/08/is-the-internet-making-us-crazy-what-the-new-research-says.html stating that this new medium called the internet and our use of it has actually REWIRED our brains to suit this pace and lack of prioritization.  All of this happened in an effort to keep receiving that jolt of dopamine.  We love the PING! because it's a signal that tells us we are not alone, we are connected to our friends (both REAL friends and ones we've not met but that we show our duckfaces to regularly).  Hell, we can't even have dinner with family without any number of devices making an appearance or at least discussing what our clever little devices can do.  I'd say we're definitely the slaves to robots, friends.  Did you know they even treat INTERNET ADDICTION?? Not hard to imagine that given the many glazed eyes I see in both young and old users and I'm guessing this disorder doesn't just apply to pasty-faced gamers with multiple screens and old bags of Taco Bell lying about their lairs.

The stewardess on my flight a few days ago says that every time she does the safety announcements she's performing to a sea of foreheads trying to get their last fix before they have to turn them off for 45 minutes. I felt kinda sorry for her, but I could tell she totally understood their dependence. Her iPhone was in a bedazzled sort of case and she made sure to check it every few seconds.  Maybe when the plane starts to plummet someone could Google what we ought to do.

So I don't intend to go crazy and drop the phone in the ocean.  I value knowing what my kids are doing when they aren't with me and being available in case there's some sort of emergency.  The problem is that my incoming texts and notifications are hardly ever emergencies.  More likely it's a stupid duckface notification anyway.  That sense of connection I thought this technology brought me actually makes me feel very disconnected especially when you and I are together. I can't focus on YOU with all these Pings. I'm pulled in 100 directions.  The robots are winning and I'm exhausted so something has to give. I'm thinking for the next while, in a personal attempt to beat back the machine takeover, you should know that if I don't answer your very important PING immediately, when I do get back to you, I'll be all yours.