Oh what fun it is!

So here we are at the season of giving again and we are all surely noticing how miserably grumpy we all get about actually getting out into the hustle and bustle.  Let's commit in December to being the person who holds a door or lets someone else out in traffic because, let's face it, cutting someone off during that season could end up being the straw that broke the almost bat-shit crazy camel's back and none of us want that.  Gosh, if there's ever a time of year when you do see both the best and worst of people it's the holiday season, isn't it?  We usually start the season of Jesus' birth with a news story or two of a trampling at Walmart's Black Friday sales and just about the time you want to stick your head in the oven over the awfulness people do someone posts a Secret Santa video about some generous person giving money with no strings attached to another person or paying off a layaway account for a stranger.  It's a very emotional time.

Now for a long time, in between those two events, I believed the running commentary in my own head that said you've got to get those holiday cards out and they've got to be more perfect than last year's (no pressure) and you've got to make sure you've budgeted enough so that everyone in your life makes the faces you see in the Publix commercials on Christmas morning when they open presents. You've got to somehow hide the winter 10 (or 15 or 20) you've already managed to absorb by wearing either something flowy and black or distractingly sparkly at the company holiday party in hopes that your husband's colleagues will think you are not the same wife who drank too much and loudly whispered about every asshole at last year's party.  You've got to make one of those gingerbread houses - yes, because if the assault of GLITTER upon your house during the holidays isn't bad enough, let's stick it all together with the glue they call Royal Icing. Also, please decorate everything in increasingly Pinteresty ways and attend all 17 children's plays and musicals which for some reason occur all on the same day and time.  Make sure you do something thoughtful for the mailman, the yard guys, your neighbors, teachers, coaches, ministers. Did you wrap everything with poofy, hand-tied bows? Have you decorated your mantle? And posted a picture of it on Instagram?  What's wrong with you?  And for God's sake make sure while you're doing all of this that you set aside a day where you all decorate the tree together and listen to music loud enough to cover the snarky opinions regarding ornament placement that fly during those special family moments.

Oh what fun it was to experience the holidays with me!

The truth is, I didn't enjoy those moments because (and I know it's my fundamental problem), on a gut level, I resist feeling like I HAVE to do anything and that running commentary was making me the aforementioned bat-shit crazy camel. Thank God it finally occurred to me that I really don't have to any of those things.  A few years ago I started to cut back on the holiday parties and even tried just not sending a card last year.  Imagine my liberation! The world didn't crumble! Not even a tremor!  Fortunately, I'm married to a guy who's just happy when I'm happy (probably because I am pretty loud about it when I'm not happy) and stands beside me in my protest against Eggnog.  I haven't baked at all this season, but I might if I want to.  We managed to decorate the tree with only good will because I happen to LIKE that Olivia thinks all the similar ones need to be placed near each other. Symmetry issues? Bah Humbug.  If I want, I can use BOWS FROM A BAG!!! Did you hear THAT???

So in between the Black Friday Massacre and the celebration of the Baby Jesus' birth, the Barfield family will watch Elf almost every night and giggle when we answer the phone with, "Buddy the Elf. What's your favorite color?" I will feel pressured to wear nothing sparkly and I will eat any piece of fudge I damn well please.  I will respectfully decline any party in which there's a risk I might even soberly call someone a jackass and, just as legitimately, if my pajamas seem like the better option.  Everyone in our house will open some evidence that I thought of them and care for them and when Christopher laughs at Kenny and Olivia it will feel better than even the returning veteran commercials from Hallmark, Folgers and Kodak commercials COMBINED. Check the mail because a perfectly adequate holiday card of my smiling children will be arriving soon without any sort of newsletter.  I had time because I've opted not to do that Gingerbread house this year.

Here's hoping your holiday is everything YOU need it to be.

L