How, how, how, you must be wondering, is Lori so willing to tell us of her embarrasssing exploits? It's like she doesn't even care. I really do care, however, and I tell you about it because it makes you laugh, but a lot of the reason I don't mind actually being embarrassed is because of this study:
http://www.psych.cornell.edu/sec/pubPeople/tdg1/Gilo.Medvec.Sav.pdf
I totally get if you don't want to read a white paper from Cornell's psych department so I'll make it simple. There's this thing that your mom tried to tell you about, but you didn't believe. It all boils down to this: Nobody's looking at you! How liberating!!
Here's the science behind mom's wisdom in nerd speak. The folks at Cornell did this study to illuminate the Spotlight Effect as it relates to embarrassment. Now we all know we think it's all about us (how can it not be?) so we assume that folks see us as more important than we are, hence our great aversion to making public mistakes. You feel is if a GREAT SPOTLIGHT has been placed on you when you take a tumble, split your pants, say the wrong thing, but it turns out a lot of that is in your pretty little head. These guys prove it though. Here's how it works:
They set up a study in which college student A has to enter a room already full of other people (who, incidentally, think they are there for their own self important questionnaire filling out reasons). Nobody likes to be late so maybe that's a little uncomfortable, but not so bad until you discover he's been made to enter wearing a Barry Manilow t-shirt. Now you and I know the Copacabana cannot be outdone, but the 19 year olds surveyed have a different opinion. The wearer predicts that 95% of people will notice his shirt (and think he's a dork) and in fact only half of the observers made any note of it and probably even less gave a flip about it. The WEARER thought the shirt was embarrassing so he felt embarrassed, but the everyday OBSERVER paid very little attention because he was doing his own thing (i.e. worrying about his cowlick). The spotlight was only in the wearer's head!
WHAT? I know!!! Doesn't this free you from worry about the run in your panty hose? The lost drunken karaoke video? The convenience store footage of you face planting after tripping over the gas pump hose? You are totally free to be an idiot whenever you please. I hereby release you into the world unconcerned about your split pants, bad skin and donkey-laugh. You no longer have to slink out of the spotlight because it's bulb has blown. Mom was so right. Be the fool that rushes in because nobody's looking at you even if you can't rock that Manilow shirt.
I know you and I have discussed this before, but you are absolutely right it is very liberating!
ReplyDeleteIt's the robot again! This post reminds me of a quote I've heard: "You wouldn't worry about what others think of you so much if you realized how seldom they did."
ReplyDeleteIndeed! We are all so very self absorbed that we rarely notice the missteps of others. Poor us for spending so much time and energy wondering what peoplethink! That's why I am glad of my short attention span. I forget easily and move on. What a blessing:)
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing!
Love it Lori! Nice to have proof of what I've been telling myself. 40 is a freeing age I believe!
ReplyDeleteI wish I could believe this- but standing in front of a room of teenagers may challenge this theory! They notice every hair that is out of place, if I'm wearing a different shade of eyeshadow or if I'm wearing the same shoes (again) that I wore the day before! haha. Seriously, though, I totally agree with this and it helps to calm my nerves- most of the time. :)
ReplyDeleteShelli- so funny that you mentioned that! I wondered if that was true after seeing that commercial where the guy trying to lose weight hires three midde school girls to follow him around during his day. Have you seen it? They say, "So gross" and "Ewww" every time he starts to eat. Hilarious. If you were with us tired adults all day maybe you wouldn't have to worry about your shoes anymore!
DeleteLife gets more fun after 50. You always wonder why the old guy says what he says, does what he does. Because the he's not worried about what other people think. Cross a line, "He's old" yet not too old to see the humor in his own behavior. Yep, more fun after the half century mark!
ReplyDeleteGetting caught up on your blog...some of the ones I didn't see because I have so FOOLishly failed, until now, to bookmark your blog. LOVE this one...makes me feel better about so many embarrassing moments that you were there for and kind enough not to remind me of whenever I see you.
ReplyDelete