Have you ever tried meditating? I can kinda get on track with that during a yoga class, but left to my own devices my mind is all over the map. I've read some really compelling things about meditation lately (specifically, about it's benefits in regard to us seasonally challenged folks). So, armed with my therapist's suggestion and an intense curiosity, I decided to give it a whirl.
I'm not kidding you, I can't keep my head in one place for 20 seconds - and my goal is only 3-4 minutes. Here's a timeline of how my time goes:
Settled in a quiet room, no distractions from work-at-home husband, dog, cats or turtle, comfortably dressed.
10:00:00 Focused on breathing.
10:00:07 - "Ah. I'm doing it."
My own reply to myself: "If you're talking to yourself you're probably not doing it right."
"Okay, shut up then."
"No, you shut up."
10:00:17 - "Focus! Just breathe." In. Out. Inhale. Exhale.
10:00:25- "What's that smell?"
"Focus!"
"Ok. Just as soon as I figure out what that smell is."
4 seconds of sniffing. Good thing I'm already breathing deeply.
"Oh - must just be Coco's wet feet."
10:00:32 "Focus!"
In. Out. Inhale. Exhale.
"That might be smoke. Smells kinda smokey."
"It can't be smoke. We have detectors for that."
"Yeah, but what if the batteries are dead and you are sitting here like an idiot in the middle of your burning house all Zen like. Dumbass."
"Stop it."
"No, you stop it."
10:00:45 Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale.
"Okay - now this is more like it. I'm breathing."
"Oh crap. I forgot to send the field trip permission slip. Olivia's gonna hate me."
"She won't hate you. She'll probably just forge your signature. She's resourceful. Let it go."
"God, now you've turned the child into some kind of criminal just because you can't get it together. There goes that 2012 Mother of the Year award and it's so early in the year."
10:01:01 "Focus dammit." Breathing in. Breathing out.
10:01:15 Iphone text ding.
"Really? I thought I turned that thing off before I started."
"Don't check it."
"What if it's important?"
"DON'T CHECK IT."
"Quit telling me what to do. It might be my sister. What if there's an emergency with Mom and Dad?"
"It's not."
"But it might be."
"It never is!"
"Now I've lost focus. Thanks a lot. Since I'm out of the zone now, I'll just check it."
"Oh - It's a Living Social deal for spa treatments in Lilburn. No thank you."
"Told you so."
"Really, we're that sort of person now who says 'I told you so'?"
"Guess we are."
"No wonder I can't meditate. I can't stand to be in the same head as you."
Session over. Lasted less than 2 minutes. I wonder if meditation is good for folks who are hearing voices?
Dear Lord...I can'g believe this has no comments. Seriously relating to this. I distinctly remember trying to meditate with a boyfriend who was actually very good at it. He was trying to teach me how to avoid this exact thing. I was great at focusing on HIS breathing...but certainly not mine. Actually, I don't think I was breathing at all. That's what I usually do in yoga...hold my breath. That's how you're supposed to do it, right?
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