The Dollar General, Generally

My dad tells me when we talk trivia that there are 22 Dollar General Stores in Rome, GA. I haven't checked his numbers there, but I know we have quite a few. Often Kenny stops in after his gym visit for any odds and ends that I can't bear to go back out for and we noticed a trend of strange events that occur on those outings.  He's seen more than one altercation, tons of cursing and often finds evidence that it's not really our kind of place, but the entertainment value keeps him coming back (he knows his girls love a good story so it's worth something to search for it).

You think I make stuff up, but I swear to you he was once behind a twitchy, canned cat-food laden woman who kept muttering "I gotta get outta here" while two other women in front of him bitch slapped one another. He barely made it out alive.  For a long time I let these incidents just be stories, but then I decided to give this place a whirl.  I used to tell him I'd wait in the car "because weird stuff always happens in there" but then I was in search of the weird so I braved it myself.

So beyond discovering that very few things cost only a dollar in the Dollar General Store, here's what I witnessed this year alone:  I watched as one pajama clad woman was escorted to jail by police for shoplifting underwear (I said let her keep 'em), but only after her stroller aged child was taken home by the babysitter she called upon her arrest.  A middle aged male crack head told me I was looking good and I accepted his compliment because you need to take those when they come.  There was the woman who needed assistance from the entire line of waiting people to count out her ice cream money. I learned two things there: people are more compassionate than you think and a group of folks trying to do math problems always ends in disaster.

I had a glimpse of what another woman's Saturday afternoon would involve when I saw her purchase only a can of Campbell's Cream of Chicken soup and a can of Ant and Roach Killer and I have to admit, I was happy to be me that day so that was a good life lesson.  You can always count on the holidays to bring out the best in folks so Olivia and I got to watch one slack jawed family who came to buy presents as they loudly argued over whether the children were naughty or not.  They were. And I fear we all learned a few new words that day. The cursing is always spectacular at Dollar General and there is really no off hour where nothing insane happens. If this isn't an endorsement, I don't know what it is you want in a retail experience.

BUT, I have to say the most startling event occurred last week when I decided before we left town that the cat litter situation at our house meant we were gonna have to stop in the DG after dinner. Olivia asked if she and Wyn (my darling niece) could stay in the car because, "Something weird always happens in there."  I responded with, "Nope, you gotta come in because you're right, something weird always happens in there IF BY WEIRD YOU MEAN AWESOME."

My quick visit was made longer because of the back of the store placement of what felt like a 400 pound box of cat litter (also it cost more than a dollar).  I was duck walking it towards the cashier when OUT OF NOWHERE this lady kind of Jack-In-The-Box lurched out at us.  Olivia and Wyn slunk into their protected position behind me.  I want to be friendly to everyone, folks, but I like a little bubble between myself and a stranger so I'm sure I took a step back. You can relax because it turns out she only wanted to ask our advice on what medicine she ought to take because every time she eats she has to run to the bathroom to poop immediately. She said the other woman she'd asked had offered no real advice and she really didn't want to ruin any more of her underwear.

You can't unhear something friends.

I know I didn't answer correctly. I should have offered more compassion, but in my defense, I was wondering, should I be this woman's medical problem solver? And more importantly, is she standing close enough for me to catch whatever intestinal explosiveness she's spreading the day before I leave on vacation?? In my startled state (I mean, your poop and your problem with it, is PERSONAL) I blurted something about regular doctor's visits and good luck with that, threw some money at the cashier and dragged the children and our 400 lb litter box out into the insanely small parking spaces.

I am left with trying to decide if I want to feel like I belong in the Dollar General or not and if all the amusement it offers me is really worth it.  I will encourage Kenny to take his turn there until I get my nerve up again.

L