I'll take it

I am a pretty normal American female if I like to receive a nice compliment every once in a while, right? I mean, I'm not giving anything away if I reveal to you that I value knowing I'm still at least a moderately attractive 41 year old.  Hear me when I say that compliments regarding other things besides physical attributes (intelligence, humor, kindness) rank VERY HIGHLY also, but the ones that point to me not being frump mom of the year give me a little smile and those are the ones I am limiting our discussion to today.  I'm not sure I even care where they come from - husband, stranger, parent - all weigh heavily. The neat part is that sometimes niceties are hurled at me from unexpected places and I'm willing to let them qualify as genuine compliments.  Here are my primary examples:

I've told you about the Dollar Store possibly-on-crack friend who stopped me with, "Gurrrllll, you are looking gooood today."  I took that one. It counts for two reasons:  one, I was wearing a really cool shirt AND he didn't tell all the girls at the dollar store that they looked good when I was there, JUST ME.

I'm also counting the guy working at the gas station counter who asked me, "Do I need to close up the shop early today? Because you are looking fine today."  My response, of course, was something uncomfortable and southern like, "Oh, now don't do that."  I am also accepting that one because I did just get my hair done RIGHT before I walked in so I probably did have it going on and I was in a part of town where my rankings would be higher just because I have all my teeth. I do have a feeling that this guy is really playing some kind of numbers game, but still.

My friends say I should tell you about my most recent flattering incident which occurred in the grocery store.  I was actually feeling kind of bad about myself physically because I really was lazier than I should have been this summer and at 41, things fall faster than they used to if you don't give them proper attention.  I was putting something in my cart when a woman in her later 50s (maybe) said, "Could I, um, tell you something without you thinking I'm weird or anything? I mean I don't mean anything by it, but I was looking in that direction when you were getting something off the bottom shelf and I noticed that you have a really cute butt." NO LIE.

Now If you are a woman, you know that this is the HOLY GRAIL of compliments for us, but I have to say, in all of my fantasies about hearing that at least for one day I'd actually beaten back the gravity that all women over 28 battle with daily, I'd never expected to hear it from a woman in the baking aisle at Kroger.  I stammered a lot of thank-you's and, no that's not weird at all's, but I didn't hug her or swap numbers or anything.

Should we let this one count?  I say yes.  I'll take them whenever I can get a flattering comment about my backside.  I was just grateful for it, but I have to admit that sometimes I get concerned about how much I value this kind of compliment and it makes me wonder, is it that we need verification that we look good from someone else or is it that people are so stingy with compliments that we are sometimes stuck fishing for them and then cherishing them like prized and favorite family heirlooms?  I'm by no means starved for praise among my friends and family so that means I'm not desperate for it, but I do like it.  And a friend reminded me how rare it is that women compliment each other at all and I know that's true from my own experience.  We are often more likely to pick one another apart than tell our friends how much we like their hair.  Just imagine how unlikely it is that a stranger would stop us to relay a kind word (or the BEST words like how good our asses look so IT MUST BE TRUE).  So there's the rarity of kind words AND there's the general worry about how we look in these pants that all women fret over that I guess is at play here. Most of us are somewhat miffed at having to switch from reading articles about how to look good to ones about how to look good FOR YOUR AGE.

Did you hear about that young woman who didn't look in a mirror for a WHOLE year before her wedding? I saw an interview with her and she was really doing great personal work by trying, I believe, to focus on other kinds of beauty in herself and maybe shock her system out of over-valuing physical appearances.  I imagine she worked on equating how she looked outwardly with how she felt: clean (hopefully), healthy, rested, positive - you know, the other things that influence our physical appearance and happiness.  I admire that effort, but really youth in itself is a sure bet on beauty so you can take your eye off the ball for a year or two without the mirror and you're still going to have a lot going for you if you're healthy.  And I also bet she wanted to be told she was a beautiful bride.  Nothing wrong with that I guess, but I don't think you'll see many of us over-40s giving up the mirror.  We will be spending some extra time in front of it plucking and moisturizing and pushing those years back because, even though we value the compliments about our craft abilities and parenting skills, we don't want folks to talk only about how kind we are.  Sometimes we really want to hear, "Girrllll, you are looking goooood today."

Why thank you, I DO look fine today.